A fresh beginning

Today I saw Mrs Nanda's blog - Becoming a Lovelier Woman and decided to write a blog about how I'm starting to search for the real me and become a woman of God. I don't know if this blog will be any use to anybody, but I hope that it will and that others will follow my example. 
From the beginning I have always kept my emotions bottled up, hidden from anyone. Putting on a false smile and false sense of confidence. I started getting so good at the lies that I began to forget who I actuarially was. I was drowning in old emotions and new alike swirling around my head, my body. I could hardly think, I could hardly concentrate. But I still kept up the false me, I didn't know anything else. The emotions began coming out, I began to hate who I was becoming, and so did my friends. 
This was when God brought me to church through one of my friends in class. We had never really talked much, but I respected her more than I could admit. She was herself, and had a beautiful heart and soul. She was one of those people you wanted to impress. 
So I came that Sunday for the first time. People were excepting, but I kept up with the negativity I was so scared that they would reveal all that was underneath my smile. That was the day when the 21 day challenge was started. No entertainment just concentrating on our spirituality. I knew I had to do this, I knew that this was my calling. I for the first I let it all out and I cried and cried, and the people there understood. 
But soon the desire to stay strong in the purpose wore off and I gave up, but some how I think that this was what I needed. In this time my friendships grew and my family improved. But I was still lieing and I was still keeping up the false pro tense.
But I began coming to church more and more and tried more and more. But whatever happened, whatever I tried I felt so empty. I had been touched by the holy spirit, but not delivered. I knew I had to get Baptised.
That was one of the most challenging, and most important days of my life. After my baptism I felt pure but soon after I sinned and stopped of coming church, I was trying to sort things out and become stronger all by myself. I failed. I learnt that without God nothing works.
After three weeks I returned. It felt like I was coming back home. I was strong, I was happy, and that day I seeked my deliverance, I strengthened my faith and received! 
I believe I have the spirit and I am strong!